Band-Aids

1. Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you
And some just laid around in bed.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you

2. Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab for Cutie
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

3. Nothing Better - The Postal Service
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

4. Rain - Patty Griffin
Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain

5. Cath - Death Cab for Cutie
But you said your vows
And you closed the door
On so many men
Who would have loved you more

And soon everybody will ask
What became of you
'Cause your heart was dying fast
And you didn't know what to do

6. When it Don't Come Easy - Patty Griffin
So many things that I had before
That don't matter to me now
Tonight I cry for the love that I've lost
And the love I've never found

7. Come to Jesus - Mindy Smith
Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin'
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms

8. Wedding Day - Rosie Thomas
so much for love
I guess I've been wrong
but it's all right 'cause I'm moving on
I'm gonna drive over hills
over mountains and canyons
and boys that keep bringing me down
I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dinner
I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by
never ever again

9. Like Everyone She Knows - James Taylor
(My poppa sent me this one, so it's special)

Like everyone she knows
She's holding out for truelove
Waiting on an answer
Ready for a change
And everywhere she goes
She's just a little bit on the lookout
A day might mean tomorrow
Questions still remain
It's not that she's so sad
She always was a happy soul
But lately she gets to wonder to herself
What's the good of going on anymore

I see her in her room
Sitting at the window
Wondering if she's pretty
Feeling just a little small tonight
She thinks of going home
Giving up on the city
Maybe moving back down to Mobile
It's not that far to fall
I know she won't see me
But I might just say anyhow
If I could be right there right now
As I myself was told

Hold tight to your heart's desire
Never ever let it go
Let nobody fool you into giving it up too soon
Tend your own fire
Lay low and be strong
Wait awhile, Wait it out
Wait it on out
Wait it out, It'll come along

10. Single Ladies - Beyoncé
'Cause, if you like it then you should have put a ring on it

What's the buzz?

Ok, here are my thoughts on Jesus Christ Superstar, because I know you were dying to hear them.

So, the really funny thing about JC Superstar is that there are two main groups that think I'm crazy for liking it: a) Fellow Christians who find the musical super offensive, and b) most of my peers who think the musical is just terrible and cheesy.


Couple disclaimers...
1) I grew up listening to the soundtrack as a kid. My mom would play it while she cleaned the house. Well, this, and A Hard Day's Night.
2) Because of my upbringing, I am really good at not being distracted by the singing in musicals. I know for most people, they kind of just freak them out, whoa they just broke into song, huh?
3) My thoughts mostly center around the film version that came out in 2000. Pretty low budge, but again, saw it for the first time when I was 12, so I didn't notice.

So, onto it, then.

Mostly I love its emphasis on the humanness of the characters. It imagines situations that could totally have been between the lines of scripture, and I think really stays true to the biblical character of Christ and the rest of the characters.

Mary Magdalene could totally have had a thing for Jesus. He was well, a perfect man. Again, I really love the focus on this human experience and possible struggles of biblical characters.

There is also a great deal of focus on Christ's struggle with his fate. And the human aspect of having to trust God when you don't necessarily know the plan.

Oh, and his anger in the temple. Great. As well as his getting tired from healing people. Jesus got tired.

I love the political undertones. Really emphasizing how much Jesus was shaking up the scene. His effect on religion, Rome, etc. The fine line he walked between revolution and non-violence. Even his own followers... they wanted an over-thrower of the Roman empire. Then he comes out with the Sermon on the Mount and they're all like, um... what?

In, the title song, Jesus Christ Superstar, Judas questions Jesus on why he came into this primitive culture? Why not come in the future? When we have television and media? He could be so much more successful. Interesting.
"If you'd come today, you could have reached a whole nation
Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication."

And finally Judas. I love this imagining of his situation. He really wants what's best for the movement. He questions Jesus on his motives, popularity, etc. His struggle and fall is so heartbreaking. And at every betraying turn, Christ reaches out to him in grace. ugh. Rip your heart out.

It's just nice to remember that these were all humans: Mary, Pilot, Judas, and yes, even Jesus Christ were stuck in this existence.

dilemma

What I want to be doing:

Writing a couple papers basically musing about the following concepts (these are real assignments!):
-ubuntu
-echad/wholeness/post-modernism
-the effects of modernism/industrial revolution
-public responsibility in social development
-Public psychology
-capitalism and the american dream and how they effect our domestic and foreign policy
-modernization, dependency, and world systems theories
-logos/zoe

What I am doing:

Waiting for a video to convert so I can import it into After Effects and get really frustrated when I try to edit it in any way. And also getting frustrated that my idea is going nowhere, at least not in a collage format. I may need a new idea. So I have moved on to my mashup instead!

Failure

I have been failing royally recently. Miraculously, my grades seem to still be in order. This is not some "woe is me", "I just try so hard" failing either. It is just blatant loss of will to do the right thing. Failing over and over and over. When I try to will myself to do the right thing, I fall flat on my face.

So I am trying something new. I am trying to return to God every time this happens. "God, I'm sorry. I messed up." And just sitting there with Him. I'm not sure why. But it seems a better option than the cycle of self-beating that goes on in my head. Because though I may feel guilty for a minute, I always fail again. Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps?

I've also considered the fact that this cycle may be a small, more dormant part of my anxiety issues. My anxiety is usually oriented around situations in which I feel trapped with no escape. Perhaps I feel trapped in my schedule/schoolwork/etc. so I do any small thing I can to escape. Skip, sleep, etc. Or maybe I'm just a lazy bastard. I don't want to justify myself too much.

Porch Sitting

There are a few things I want in my eventual home. One is a good dining room table. One that people like to sit at.

The other is a sitting porch. It really doesn't have to be much. Stone steps will do, as long as people congregate there.

I really love Grand Rapids. I'm sitting on some stone steps outside Justin's house on College Ave., just south of Wealthy. I'm listening to Rubber Soul, my favorite Beatles album. The sun is warming my toes. This love of Grand Rapids atmosphere may be because I've never really lived in the city. I would like to.

There's just something about downtown GR in the sunshine....

Failed attempts at cooking

I just attempted to make a baked potato. I overcooked the broccoli and what came out of the microwave looked like a small, brown, shriveled creature.

So, in lieu of that, I cut up some cheddar, and strawberries, and I have some great whole grain sesame crackers and a couple yeast rolls. Not an extremely diverse meal, but a tasty and pretty wholesome one nonetheless.

I am currently sitting on the couch, waiting for the Oscars, converting some video, and feeling a small sense of dread about the week ahead. Praying for motivation, courage, and a desire to work hard, instead of the small voice that always encourages me to take shortcuts.

Scheduling

I posted this on the One-Year challenge blog, but I wanted it here too.

Ok, so I often feel very overwhelmed. Feeling like I have a ton to do, no time, etc.

I think this semester has had a LOT less rhythm than last semester. The only thing that was different last semester was the fact that I got to bed between 10:30 and 11:30 just about every school night. I even had more credit hours. I just felt so much more on top of things.

SO... I have made a detailed schedule. and I really really want to stick to it. The important additions are the times spent in my room in the evenings. These are the things I need to focus on. Too often I find myself dinking around during those times.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I think the television really has been a problem. I think I took too much pride in the fact that in the past couple years I have done pretty well at doing without television. But apparently I got sucked in again.

I did leave myself a couple hours. I really like when Mattie and I just sit on the couch with our lappys, making fun of commercials and showing each other our internet findings. They are good times.

so here it is! *fanfare* I really really want to stick to this.


oh, and the oscars are on sunday. haha oops.

60 degrees in February

I just wanted to make a list of things that enriched my day today. I am still very very overwhelmed, but I have attempted to make some progress. I still have a long way to go, but today had some lovely points.

-I did not have to wear a coat.
-It got above 60 degrees!
-The sun was shining!
-16mm was all about producing and I got really excited about script breakdowns.
-I met a calico kitty sleeping in the sunshine in an antique shop. I pet him for a while, and he purred.
-I met a doggie in another antique shop. A very fluffy, black, licky, happy doggie. I pet her for a while as well.
-_______________________________________!
-I sat around the Gretz's dining room table with Anna and Sara and talked while eating some yummy oatmeal.
-I accidentally fell asleep for three hours. (This wasn't an extremely good thing, but it sure felt good)
-The Willy Wonka episode of Family Guy is on.

AAAAAHHH

Oh my goodness. So much going on.

-Producing a film that is to be shot in about a month. ack!
-Making two editing-intense web videos.
-Writing a long paper about a significant journey in my life. Not something you can really just write. I have to try and switch my brain off of school mode and into writing emotionally mode.
-Reading, writing, and thinking about Global Development/Poverty.
-Understanding and practicing Algebra concepts. (that are NOT review, actually. lame.)
-Realizing I will hopefully be done with school in June and trying to make sure I accomplish that.
-Doing my taxes.
-Oh, you know. Other things.

Transatlanticism

This album is pretty significant for me. It is my consistent January album, probably because that is when I first listened to it.

January 2004. Sophomore year of high school. I got it for my birthday.

I took art with Cronk that semester. It was probably the point in my life when I decided I was an artist. He taught me about the process of making art. That every decision is significant and meaningful. I made a shadowbox/sculpture piece that semester that I think everyone else finds hideous, but I love because I remember the process of creating it, and how much emotion and expression it holds for me.

I remember making a collage about the broken state of the world and the apathy of mainstream christianity. It involved Jim Bakker praying to a chocolate crucifix.

I also remember sketching and painting in my attic loft that winter. While Ben Gibbard sang to me, I painted bleeding hearts and silver stars.

I was thinking of posting photos of those things, but I think I'd rather you imagine them.

I almost came as a shark actually, but then I realized an eagle's slightly better

EAGLE VS. SHARK
Barnabas and I were trying out his free Netflix streaming trial this week. There wasn't a huge selection, but I had wanted to see this movie for a while. It was...awkward. But still pretty hilarious. I definitely laughed out loud. I would say a combination of Napoleon Dynamite and Strictly Ballroom (It's got a lot of New Zealand/Australian accents).
I'm not sure I would particularly recommend it, nor would I purchase it, but I would probably give it another view. I could try to convince you with quotes or something, but I don't think it would do it any sort of justice. So here's the trailer:

Ok. I guess after watching the trailer, I want to see it again. Definitely.
I also think I love it because Lily reminds me so much of Sara Rose Vruggink.

EXPELLED
We also watched this documentary featuring Ben Stein being belligerent to a bunch of scientists. I really hated the first half. The editing felt forced and manipulative. The music placement, use of cheesy video clips, and selective interview footage wasn't cool.
The second half, however, was super interesting. It left the intelligent design angle and focused more on the fact that Darwinism is incomplete and looked at the trend of eugenics in the 20th century.

WOLVERINE
I am so excited for this. The end.



WATCHMEN
I am in the process of reading this graphic novel. I started this week in Indiana with Nick's copy, and I just ordered it from amazon tonight with a gift certificate! So I am excited.
However, I hope that the movie is really good. The trailer looks amazing, but I have been fooled before. (ie: Sunshine)