like...oh em gee

so here's how fifteen years old I am right now...

I went to the mall today to return some American Eagle jeans. I actually tried to shop the mall and mostly felt very stupid and ugly and poor. Especially my hair and braces.

I got really angry and mostly just cried a lot when my parents wouldn't let me drive down to see my boyfriend. After explaining how much keys and locksmiths cost and hinting at my consistent absentmindedness and lack of judgment.

I have now shut myself in the only available room in the house to write it in my blog.

That's how fifteen years old I am right now.

And the thing is... I realize it's stupid. I realize they love me and I lock my keys in my car all the time and they just bought me a new car after I totaled the last one they bought me... 6 months ago. And it's dark outside and I've never driven the car before.

And I realize I am blessed and not poor at all and in very good health.

but my inner fifteen year old seems to have commandeered me for the time being.

Winter Song

I just tuned into The Tonight Show for the tail end tonight. I always forget that Conan doesn't actually start until 12:35.

But I am so glad I did. Sometimes I am just in a place where a song can reach straight through me to the core. This one was called Winter Song, sung by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles. Now, I am as sick of "not gonna write you a love song..." as anyone else. But tonight, Winter Song was so beautiful to me.

Immediately after it was over, I opened my laptop and begged it for internet. Miraculously, a totally new network appeared and allowed me to get the album from itunes (it's called The Hotel Café). It was probably a Christmas miracle.

Some of my recent days have been rough. I'm trying to do and think all the right things. Trying to be healthy, etc. But nothing feels natural. I have no rhythm. Everything is forced or difficult.

I don't want to be that way. But then, what I do is try not to be that way.

I think some surrender is in order.

musical musings

My music collection has become somewhat stale as of late. I've been on the lookout for new things, but I also realized I'm not sure what I even like anymore. So, I've been listening around with a pretty open mind... and ears. I've found a couple of things that I am interested in.

1. La Dispute - Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair
While we were setting up for a shoot yesterday, Jake put their new album on. It was really good. I don't have it yet, but this is one that I want to buy from the source instead of pirate, because it's a local band and I want to support them.

2. Marc Broussard
Yeah, he's been around for a while, but I just saw him on Leno again recently. I think he's just good feel-good music. I really just want to collect any of his songs wherever I can find them, and not spend $45 to buy all of his albums.

3. Rosie Thomas- A Very Rosie Christmas
I am very excited about this album and will also be buying it soon. I am also hoping to go see her Christmas concert downtown in December. mmmmm....


Any other suggestions?

the race problem

So, I was warned of the following phenomenon last semester by my Sociology professor, and I find it particularly potent now.

The media last night and today have been going on and on about how significant it is that America has elected a president of mixed race.

and yes, it is amazing. Don't misunderstand me. This is huge. It gives hope to the oppressed all over the country and the world. It expands the imaginations of young black children, making anything possible to them. Last night will be written about as an enormous breakthrough in our country's history, 40 years after the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

However, I have heard more than one reporter talk about how this is the end to the race problem. Saying that we've beat it, it is no longer a part of us.

This is simply not true. The residues of our country's racial divisions still lurk in every corner. In every interracial interaction, the nuances of racism are there. In media coverage, the music industry, the grocery store, the judgements seep through.

And I'm not pulling for equality in the sense that everyone's culture is integrated and looks the same. But the goal is equal respect for every human being.

just sayin...

thrown into this position once again...

So, for my Media Production class this morning, we were supposed to have prepared a pitch for a short narrative film. The two best would be chosen by the class and produced. Whoever's pitch got chosen would be the director. So, I procrastinated all weekend. And last night after I drove home from Kalamazoo I was dead tired. It was only 10pm, but it was really 11pm due to daylight savings. I couldn't keep my eyes open, much less write a pitch. So I went to bed.

So this morning, I find myself driving to school at 7:45am trying to come up with a pitch. Finally, I scrape one together in my mind scribble it down once I get to class, and hand it in.

I am convinced that this horrible behavior was my subconscious way of saying that I do not want to be a director. I'm not a visionary; I'm a detail person. I am a producer.

But the stupid thing got picked! Agh!

I mean, yeah, cool. People liked my idea. That feels nice.

but man, this is going to be one hectic finals time.

zombies and drug addicts

It's been one year and three days since that fateful night.

The first time he laid eyes on me, I was smoking a cigarette, wearing a mask of makeup, and a black wig.

Something happened that night through card games, silly jokes, and the pure awkwardness of being at a party where you don't know anyone.

Later that night we found out that we both gurgled!

and the next thing you know, a whole year is in the books.